Howdy fellow rednecks! So I know my account has been inactive for a while, but I thought I’d take the opportunity to share some advice on how to effectively do the most patriotic thing you can do on election day: drink.
Pick a news channel covering the Election and drink according to what is broadcast on their station.
Take 1 drink anytime someone mentions the phrases
Nonstop Election Coverage
Take 2 drinks anytime someone mentions the phrases
You didn’t build that.
Osama Bin Laden
God Bless America
Offshore Bank Account
Finish your drink if
A non-swing state goes to the party not predicted to win it.
The news station prematurely declares that a candidate has won the state and then takes it back.
Someone on TV refers to “Moving to Canada.”
Hand out a beer to shotgun if the candidate you voted for wins the state you voted in. If the candidate you voted for loses your state, you have to shotgun that beer.
If you didn’t vote or voted 3rd party, take a drink every time “voter turnout” and “3rd party” are mentioned. Also drink continuously when any 3rd party candidate is shown on air.
If Obama wins the election, everyone drinks 4 MORE BEERS.
If Romney wins the election, everyone drinks a glass of a top-shelf drink.
If the winner of the popular vote loses the election, everyone shotguns a beer!
Remember, no matter who wins the election, be proud of America, because America is still the best fucking country in the world, AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE ‘MERICA, YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT!
Q: “This isn’t really a question, but I just wanted to let you know that your blog is awesome and that you should post more often! :)”
A: Thank you to everyone who’s sent me one of these! :) Y’all are the best! I’ll try to do a better job at keeping up with this blog. haha
Q: How old are you? / What do you look like? / Where are you from?
A: I’m old enough to party. I look like any other guy. And I’m from ‘MERICA!
Q: “My name is blahblahblah, and I’ve been dating so-and-so for x long now, and we’re having problems with ___________. What should I do?”
A: I’m pretty surprised at how many people have asked for my relationship advice. Even though I like to post tips about dating, I am farrrrr from being any sort of love guru. I’m flattered that you ask though. :)
I’ve thought about creating a Redneck Tips twitter account, but I haven’t been putting enough time into keeping up this tumblr page to start expanding Redneck Tips to other social media. Maybe I’ll make one in the future though!
I hate the classification most people have for rednecks. 'Oh, they're so stupid, and they live in trashy houses with their beaten down trucks.' Sorry, but I'm an honors student, and just because I live in a trailer, doesn't mean shit. Its so bad here in Florida, and especially at my school, we've got kids wearing camo jackets, just to fit in, because us rednecks over populate(; Just because I don't show on a daily basis that I'm a redneck, doesn't mean I'm not one. Fuck it. REDNECK & PROUD.
Your story makes me proud to be a redneck too! It’s more than just what you wear. It’s how you live your life!